Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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