I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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