I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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