If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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