I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
