girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
