have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize