apparently the secret to your success is patron
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
