i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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