fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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