Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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