You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
