My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
