i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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