I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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