you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We are two peas in an std pod
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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