..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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