sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
