How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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