I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
i think my cat just said my name.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
