Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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