your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
