Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
