she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
