i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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