i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
