My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
