I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
That's intense
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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