you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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