Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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