Just fell off a train. Bad.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
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