I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
