i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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