bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
