I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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