you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
