If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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