I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
