We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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