i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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