You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
