i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize