Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
