So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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