A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I have feelings that need drinking.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
