I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Dick very happy bro
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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