I want to walk on stilts...naked
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I feel like a drive thru vagina
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
