D3 body, D1 cock
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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