I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
