When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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