if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
