I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
