I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize