So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize