Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
