I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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