Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Im part way to drunk.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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