Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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