Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
