It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
