I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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