real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
