i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
