if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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