I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
