Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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