Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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