Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
