I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
