her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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