i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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