I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
