Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
