Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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