so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
