I think my fart just growled at me.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
