Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
A+ Viking dick
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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